After having twins – this was the #1 question moms asked me. Having four kids is challenging, but below are the “10 Things I REALLY Needed to Know Before Having Twins.”
Spoiler Alert: They have nothing to do with kids.
I’ve realized over the last year and a half that there were three groups of moms who would ask this question.
The moms I didn’t know well…and couldn’t imagine having four kids and not going insane. Ok – let me be clear – it was touch and go the first 12 weeks on my sanity.
The moms I knew well – they asked because they were loving on me – but were worried for me. These were the moms that came through in the clutch with dinners, day dates and texts/calls.
- The moms I didn’t know at all – they were like WTF, how do you have time?
My first thought after typing all this right this second:
I don’t remember ever getting asked by a man. Never. Just moms.
I used to just say, “I don’t know, I just do it.” I also started saying, “My husband is 100% in – we just do it.”
Honestly – I’d diminish my capability.
It was hard AF and I deserve a medal!
So here are the realizations that taught me “How to do all this” and “How to have it all.”
Ready? Ready for my magic sauce? The unicorn pixy dust?
If you are a parent – a mom, a dad, a step mom, a twin mom, a toddler mom, an empty nester…YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!
Ok, You’re probably thinking, Jen – this is harsh. This is not helpful.
Hear me out.
You’re not special.
Yet, you are also EXTRAORDINARY.
I love my kids. I’m sure you love yours.
I love my husband, my friends, my life, my career and my dreams.
So I STOPPED BEING A MARTYR.
You are not going to win an award for being the best mom. You aren’t going to win an award for not sleeping; killing yourself at work; not making healthy meals so you have time to mop the floors; or for not going out with friends or your spouse so you don’t leave your kids.
You are not SPECIAL.
AND…you have a chance to be extraordinary.
I am not regular. I’m extraordinary. I believe that.
This means that I am capable to have any life I want. I am capable to have ALL the time in the world to do EVERYTHING – just because I want to.
So, what did I do?
See unicorn pixy dust below:
- I stopped letting society’s definition, my childhood experience, my families expectations, my friends expectations or social media’s expectations on how to be a mom, define me. Make your own journey. If you want to work. Work. if you want to stay home, do it. If you want to have clients at night and let your husband put the kids to bed. Do you. If you want to hire a maid, girlllllll, I see you! No one asked my husband how he did it all? A man never thought to ask me, “Oh, how are you working and taking care of 4 kids.” Guess what? We put that expectation on ourselves!!! I’ll be DAMNED if I teach my daughter that she has to be everything to everyone. She’s everything for HERSELF. and THEN she’s the other roles she decides to have. Period
- I started focusing on ME. I’m the #1 person in my life. If you struggle with this, no worries! Click here for my FREE GUIDE and learn how to put you FIRST (hint – it only takes 15 minutes to create a strategy that WORKS!)
- I quit saying I don’t have time. I used to always say I didn’t have time. ALWAYS. Well, it’s bullshit. Utter Bullshit. I was using being busy as a mom to not put the time into the things that weren’t as easy as saying “I don’t have time.” What I mean, is that instead of COMMITTING to working out, I said I don’t have time. Instead of meal prepping, I said “I don’t have time.” Instead of COMMITTING to working on my business – I busied myself with house chores. Instead of COMMITTING to date nights, I let WORRY about the kids get in front of COMMITMENT. Stop saying you don’t have time and just DO. Commit to you.
- Sleep. I sleep. We invested in a sleep consultant. It was the best decision ever. It’s also a life saver for social time. We have friends come to our house and KNOW that the twins will go to sleep at 7PM after a two minute routine. TWO MINUTES! Then we get to hang out or go to bed and get extra rest. Can I get an AMEN?
- Wake up before the kids. This is the one item I would have never done, but it makes my whole mood better. I don’t feel rushed. I feel prepared. Even if you can swing 15 minutes, do it. No one wants to wake up to the screams of a toddler yelling, “Mommyyyyyyyy.”
- Make time to connect. Go out to dinner with friends. Have regular date nights with your spouse. Go out – even if you take the kids. Although, we are in a pandemic, you HAVE to find ways to connect.
- I made decisions. You CANNOT worry about everything. Indecision will only breed more anxiety. Make a move. If you hate it, make a different move. Your kids feel your anxiety. Ever notice how if you are having a rough day, they do too? You will always make the best decision at the time, so what’s the harm in making one and letting the worry stop clouding your judgment.
- I stopped drinking during the week. I may lose a few moms on this one. HA! I noticed that when days got hard, all the moms joked about having some wine. Sure, I just had a half a glass, but I noticed I started doing it as a coping mechanism versus enjoyment. Plus, all that sugar doesn’t burn baby fat. When I stopped drinking during the week I had more energy and I pushed myself to deal with whatever that day brought – with the kids, work or personal – my strength came when I had the most clarity and energy to deal with all the STUFF.
- I stopped thinking self care was getting a mani/pedi or going shopping. I started thinking of self care as intentional time to focus on me. I made a ME Plan (see my FREE GUIDE to create your own) and I started investing in events (in person and online) that would refuel my soul and reinvigorate my passions. I went on a super luxurious retreat for my own self-development. I took classes that would recharge ME. Just ME and not to serve anyone else.
- I planed ahead to INVEST in me. Remember the whole “I don’t have time” conversation? If you wait til the last minute, something will come up. I sought out things that I know were months away and planned to do them. I scheduled girls nights far ahead. We started having a bi-weekly pizza night and made our own pizzas with friends. Having something to look forward to is amazing for the soul. It also allows us to NOT cop out so easily, because we planned for it. Right before a trip I would get nervous about leaving, but once I was there, I knew it was meant to be!
If you meet a new mom make sure you point her to these things. Moms are always giving out baby tips and ideas, but bless another mom with the gift of letting her know that she is WORTHY of putting herself first.
If you are struggling to put yourself first, to create a life where you don’t feel stressed or overwhelmed – I promise it’s possible. If you need support, start with my FREE GUIDE and then schedule time with me to discuss how it went for you. We are tied together as women – I’m here to support you as others did for me.